Living for Love

I have been astonished that men could die martyrs for their religion - 

I have shudder'd at it.
I shudder no more.
I could be martyr'd for my religion
Love is my religion
And I could die for that.
I could die for you.
~ John Keats ~

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Mr. Keats's sentiment above is a common one, expressed many times in poetry and prose. And I agree with it whole-heartedly, but there is something more important to point out and remember: dying for someone is the easy part.

Living for someone, making and keeping them happy, supporting them (whether financially, emotionally, or physically), is the much more difficult, and often more important task.

I would die for my wife and children, if a situation arose where it was necessary. But unless and until that time comes, I choose to live for them - for their happiness, their smiles - and devote my life to keeping us well and able to enjoy the time we have together in this life.

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Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,
While loving someone deeply gives you courage.
~ Lao Tzu ~

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Taking a bullet for someone, dying in a duel or battle so that your loved one/s can escape and live are very heroic ideals that capture the mind and imagination of romantics. And they are, indeed, great and noble sacrifices for love. But while the imagination is captured by such lofty, epic grandiosity, the stronger undercurrents of love tend to go unnoticed until they have pulled the dreamer under.

It takes courage to live for someone, at least as much as it does to die for them. Courage, dedication, and work (often hard) are all required for love to continue and flourish. Falling in love is easy, but then you need to build the foundation of the relationship in that hole you just walked into.

And talking can be scary. Those of you who know me also know that I'm fairly experienced at speaking in public. But talking to the one you love can be frightening, even for me, because you might worry that something you say will hurt them, or cause them to love you less, or be upset with you. There are those who will go to war and fight, facing death, yet cannot summon the courage to talk to the one they love. But it is the single most important tool in building a lasting relationship. And, if they love you deeply enough to live for you as well, then nothing you're likely to say will break the relationship.

You will hurt each other, sometimes. Physically or emotionally, it will happen, though hopefully never intentionally. Don't close up, don't stop talking when this happens. The best thing you can do is reach out to each other, with words and arms. Reassure the one you love that you do still love them, just as strongly as ever. You'll both be miserable until you do.

Everyone makes mistakes. No one is perfect. And yet, in love, faults are noticed only briefly before they become part of your partner's uniqueness. You accept what they are, who they are, as well as what they're not, and you love them all the more. The "imperfections" only serve to make them perfect. That is among the least of love's paradoxes.

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Your love is all I have, is all I need and is all I've ever wanted. Living with the thought that you'll be beside me, gives me the courage to keep on living.
~ Unknown ~

(Written April 10, 2007 - Revised December 2, 2011)