We are often advised, growing up, to think before we speak. Then, in both childhood and adulthood, we go out into the world and find that it demands immediate responses for everything. We are given no time in which to think, and when we try to take that time we are accused of "taking too long," of being deceitful in our answers (since we "had to think about it"), and being unintelligent. We are constantly driven to respond quickly, whether to a question posed by a teacher in school or a manager at work. And ironically, it is often in times of stress and high emotion, times when we should consider our words most carefully, that we are pressured most for a speedy response.
In one how-to guide for thoughtful speech, it recommends a pause of five to ten seconds before responding, so that you can determine whether it is necessary and what the best response would be. Take a few moments with me and count out ten seconds in your mind. I'll wait.
. . . . . . . . . .
By five seconds, especially without some visual clue to the fact that you were thinking, it would likely be assumed that you were a) not paying attention, b) not going to respond, or c) mentally deficient. I cannot imagine any situation outside of a formal debate in which ten seconds would be allowed to pass before the original speaker felt ignored.
The general exception to this, of course, is when the respondent is someone of established importance or wisdom. These people receive more patience out of respect for the person or their position. This is understandable, but it also underscores the lack of respect for others. True respect, not awe or fear, is an aspect of Love in the form of compassion. When we have compassion for others, what they say has greater meaning and importance, and we become more willing to wait for a valued, and valuable, response.
For a long time the Internet has been a boon to thoughtful communication, between all people. Even when Internet speed is not an issue, the simple act of having to type the words you want to communicate gives you more time to consider them. There seems to be a widespread leniency in response times, though it is not a limitless patience. Still, because of the medium, people often blame a delayed response on connectivity issues, latency or lag, computer troubles, or even alternate time-zones rather than automatically assuming some form of deficiency on the part of the respondent. This isn't a universal practice, however, and there is certainly an apparent movement towards once again demanding rapid responses, especially in heated discussions.
The "human microphone" of the Occupy Wall Street movement, regardless of whatever you may think of the movement itself, is also predisposed towards thoughtful speech. When you have to pause between every three to five words, each individual word becomes that much more important. Your message must be clear and concise.
I could quote various scriptures or aphorisms on the importance of thinking before speaking, or the wisdom of remaining silent. How, though, do we manage to practice this wisdom in our daily lives, in a society that is trying to move progressively faster and demands equally fast responses? How do we manage to reawaken the compassion of others, so that they are willing to take the time to wait for a thoughtful answer rather than a rushed one? Obviously, we cannot tell our teachers or bosses that they need to be more compassionate or patient with us and expect them to take us seriously.
The solution, I believe, starts with each of us as individuals. We must extend this compassion, this patience, this respect, to the other people in our lives. We must show through example that we are not just willing to wait a few extra seconds for a response, but that we appreciate the time and thought that went into that response. Start with your family, your children especially since they will grow up learning from this precedent, but extend this basic courtesy to everyone you come in contact with. For listening carefully, and placing importance on the value of the response rather than in how much can be said or how quickly it can be given, you will eventually be seen as patient, considerate, and, dare I say it, wise. And so will everyone who emulates you.
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