Have a Blessed Merry Happyday.

There is a paragraph making its rounds on Facebook walls lately, putting the lie to the right-wing panic over a supposed "war on Christmas."  I don't know who wrote it, but I think I would like whoever it is.  It goes like this:


"To those who know me:
I have friends from all walks of life. Muslim, Christian, Pagan, Native American, Jewish, Agnostic, Atheist, Buddhist, Taoist, and so on and so on. I don't care what religion you are. If you wish me a Merry Christmas, I will wish you one right back, heartfelt and true. If you wish me a Blessed Yule, I will say it right back and mean it. I refuse to get upset over HOW you wish me a happy season. The fact that you took the time to wish me joy is all that matters to me. Love and joy and laughter and companionship and friendship is what's important. Love one another as you would love yourself. Do as you will, but harm none."


You see, it isn't the words, but the message.  So often it seems that the true message and meaning behind words are lost and ignored simply because of the words themselves being unfamiliar, or even disliked.  Quite frankly, there has been a widespread and very non-compassionate response to the phrase Happy Holidays.  Even when it is grammatically correct, because the person is using it to indicate Thanksgiving and New Years Eve as well.  Even when it is culturally sensitive, and is being used so as not to make non-Christians feel left out of what is supposed to be "the most wonderful time of the year."


Despite not being recognized as our nation's "official" religion, Christianity has dominated American thought and practice for quite some time.  Just like many in the past denied Native American or German blood due to concerns of hatred or discrimination, many also hid (and still hide) their religion due to similar concerns.  Despite discrimination due to religious beliefs being illegal, there are still businesses that ask what church you go to on their job applications.


The real problem isn't that there is a war on Christmas.  If anything, there is a war on every other non-Christian holiday that occurs at this time of year.  Yet Christianity has held such a strong role in our society for so very long that any attempt at cultural sensitivity is seen as an attack on that Christian base, that dominating structure, rather than as an attempt to simply recognize the plurality of religion.  


Yet Santa is not a Christianity-specific figure.  Christmas trees have nothing to do with the story of the birth of Jesus.  The rampant commercialism of the season certainly would not have appealed to Christ.  Whether or not you believe Jesus was actually born in December, or whether the Church simply assigned that date to coincide with other non-Christian holidays as a method of conversion, most of the trappings which come with an American Christmas are decidedly non-Christian.  Christmas, as a part of American culture, is beyond Christianity.


If Love is the reason for the season, then why does it matter what words are used so long as the message is the same?  It isn't being distorted.  There isn't a different message being hidden by the words.  Someone, possibly someone you may never see again and do not know, decided to take a moment out of their day to share a sentiment of joy.


Ignore the second word of the statement, if it helps.  Someone wished you a Happy.  Or maybe a Merry, a Blessed, or even just a Good.  The sentiment is positive.  What you take away from the exchange is up to you.

Love Is God

I do not identify myself as Christian, Hindu, Muslim, Jewish, or Wiccan.  I do not consider myself a Taoist, Pagan, Buddhist, or part of any other widely recognized religion.  That said, I do share many of their beliefs.  I believe in a higher power, because I cannot look at all the beauty inherent in and beyond our world and think that it came about purely by mathematical chance.  I believe that we are all connected in a basic, primal, and Divine way.  I believe in the power of the mind to influence change in the world, whether this practice is explained as magic, prayer, or exploiting quantum physics.  I believe that we are capable of ascending to a higher form of existence, and also capable of returning again to physical bodies either by choice or because we have not learned all that we needed to learn.


Mostly, however, I believe in Love.  Not in a 60's, lust-driven "free love" sense.  I believe in the message of love delivered by Jesus, Muhammad, and other wise people of the past, that "Golden Rule" of so many faiths that we must love others as we love ourselves.  "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."  "That which is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow."  I also believe that Love itself is a higher power, and is our direct connection to Divinity.  In the words of Victor Hugo, "To love another person is to see the face of God." Through Love all things are possible.


Love takes many forms in our lives, but for the most part I have found that there are two major subcategories of Love : Affectionate and Compassionate.


Affectionate Love encompasses familial love, friendship, and romantic love, while Compassionate Love encompasses forgiveness, the love of strangers, and even the love of enemies.  Both of these are part of a third, greater type of love, often called Unconditional or Divine Love.  This is love which demands nothing in return.


Most often we give love out of a desire or need to receive it.  Even Compassionate Love, which includes charity, can be tainted with selfishness.  It makes you feel good about yourself to be charitable towards others, and so you gain a benefit.  Perhaps the closest thing in this world to Divine Love is the love between a mother and her child, as mothers in particular often endure a great deal of punishment without commensurate reward or compensation.


The problem with Love is that it lacks that certain intimidating authority.  The thought of an all-powerful, possibly wrathful deity is a bit more motivating for those types of people who cannot see the inherent benefits to a compassionate global society.  Those who are blinded by base desires do not consider how their actions affect others, but see only themselves.  The thought of eternal torment, then, is seen as something which affects them personally.


But all of this is simply symbolism and metaphor.  Those of us who recognize the inherent value and goodness of Love, and understand the Divine connection shared by every being, are going to behave compassionately for Love's sake.  They will continue to act this way, and attempt to correct any errant behavior, because they understand that to act without compassion harms not just one person, but all of society, including themselves.  In Matthew 25:40, where it says, "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me," this is the message being conveyed.

The Compassion of Patient Conversation

We are often advised, growing up, to think before we speak.  Then, in both childhood and adulthood, we go out into the world and find that it demands immediate responses for everything.  We are given no time in which to think, and when we try to take that time we are accused of "taking too long," of being deceitful in our answers (since we "had to think about it"), and being unintelligent.  We are constantly driven to respond quickly, whether to a question posed by a teacher in school or a manager at work.  And ironically, it is often in times of stress and high emotion, times when we should consider our words most carefully, that we are pressured most for a speedy response.


In one how-to guide for thoughtful speech, it recommends a pause of five to ten seconds before responding, so that you can determine whether it is necessary and what the best response would be.  Take a few moments with me and count out ten seconds in your mind.  I'll wait.


. . . . . . . . . .


By five seconds, especially without some visual clue to the fact that you were thinking, it would likely be assumed that you were a) not paying attention, b) not going to respond, or c) mentally deficient.  I cannot imagine any situation outside of a formal debate in which ten seconds would be allowed to pass before the original speaker felt ignored.


The general exception to this, of course, is when the respondent is someone of established importance or wisdom.  These people receive more patience out of respect for the person or their position.  This is understandable, but it also underscores the lack of respect for others.  True respect, not awe or fear, is an aspect of Love in the form of compassion.  When we have compassion for others, what they say has greater meaning and importance, and we become more willing to wait for a valued, and valuable, response.


For a long time the Internet has been a boon to thoughtful communication, between all people.  Even when Internet speed is not an issue, the simple act of having to type the words you want to communicate gives you more time to consider them.  There seems to be a widespread leniency in response times, though it is not a limitless patience.  Still, because of the medium, people often blame a delayed response on connectivity issues, latency or lag, computer troubles, or even alternate time-zones rather than automatically assuming some form of deficiency on the part of the respondent.  This isn't a universal practice, however, and there is certainly an apparent movement towards once again demanding rapid responses, especially in heated discussions.


The "human microphone" of the Occupy Wall Street movement, regardless of whatever you may think of the movement itself, is also predisposed towards thoughtful speech.  When you have to pause between every three to five words, each individual word becomes that much more important.  Your message must be clear and concise.


I could quote various scriptures or aphorisms on the importance of thinking before speaking, or the wisdom of remaining silent.  How, though, do we manage to practice this wisdom in our daily lives, in a society that is trying to move progressively faster and demands equally fast responses?  How do we manage to reawaken the compassion of others, so that they are willing to take the time to wait for a thoughtful answer rather than a rushed one?  Obviously, we cannot tell our teachers or bosses that they need to be more compassionate or patient with us and expect them to take us seriously.


The solution, I believe, starts with each of us as individuals.  We must extend this compassion, this patience, this respect, to the other people in our lives.  We must show through example that we are not just willing to wait a few extra seconds for a response, but that we appreciate the time and thought that went into that response.  Start with your family, your children especially since they will grow up learning from this precedent, but extend this basic courtesy to everyone you come in contact with.  For listening carefully, and placing importance on the value of the response rather than in how much can be said or how quickly it can be given, you will eventually be seen as patient, considerate, and, dare I say it, wise.  And so will everyone who emulates you.

On Readiness, Forgiveness, and Acceptance

Someone very wise once said, on the topic of children, that if you wait to have them until you are ready, you never will.  This same wisdom can be applied to many things in life: relationships, purchasing a home, opening your own business, beginning a new career, and more.  Whether it's a case of financial, emotional, physical, or some other sort of readiness, one thing or another will always keep us from being completely prepared for the responsibilities we face in life.


Yet we place such high and terrible expectations on ourselves.  We punish and demean ourselves for failing to live up to the standards that, for many, are self-imposed.  We flounder, believing we have failed either a loved one or the Divine.  I have done this far too frequently to recount.


At first, no one ever appears worthy of what Love can make of us.


Throughout life, I have been constantly surprised by the faith and  trust that others place in me, whether it is professionally, personally, or spiritually.  Always have I fought against the idea that I could be worthy of such.  I am not perfect.  But then, none of us are.  Wisdom teaches us that it often takes time to rise up to challenges, that it takes experience to accomplish what is set forth in life.


Yet here we come across what may be one of the most intrinsic and important facets of any faith: Forgiveness.  As a form of compassion, it is one of the most powerful expressions of Love in the world.


For my own part, I am comfortable with the knowledge that I am capable of making mistakes.  I accept that as being inevitable.  Yet I feel safe in saying that regardless of any mistakes I may make, I will find forgiveness, even if I cannot always grant it to myself.  I am confident, then, in my ability to serve others, even if I do not feel I am ready to do so.


Despite my shortcomings, the people in my life honor me by placing their faith and trust in me.  Why?  Because of Love.  In my faith, then, I try to extend this understanding and forgiveness to all around me as well.  My studies of love and religion have led me to the knowledge that all of us are part of a greater whole.  I therefore strive to not just treat others as equals, but actually see them as such, despite any differences we may have.


Each of us has our own path to walk.  The path of Love is one which respects the happiness of all, but we each follow our own heart as we must, and no path is less valid than another.  Yet without that respect, without recognizing the value of Life - that divine spark which we all carry - our world will eventually destroy itself as parts of the Whole struggle for perceived dominance.


(Written March 13, 2010 - Revised December 3, 2011)

Living for Love

I have been astonished that men could die martyrs for their religion - 

I have shudder'd at it.
I shudder no more.
I could be martyr'd for my religion
Love is my religion
And I could die for that.
I could die for you.
~ John Keats ~

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Mr. Keats's sentiment above is a common one, expressed many times in poetry and prose. And I agree with it whole-heartedly, but there is something more important to point out and remember: dying for someone is the easy part.

Living for someone, making and keeping them happy, supporting them (whether financially, emotionally, or physically), is the much more difficult, and often more important task.

I would die for my wife and children, if a situation arose where it was necessary. But unless and until that time comes, I choose to live for them - for their happiness, their smiles - and devote my life to keeping us well and able to enjoy the time we have together in this life.

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Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,
While loving someone deeply gives you courage.
~ Lao Tzu ~

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Taking a bullet for someone, dying in a duel or battle so that your loved one/s can escape and live are very heroic ideals that capture the mind and imagination of romantics. And they are, indeed, great and noble sacrifices for love. But while the imagination is captured by such lofty, epic grandiosity, the stronger undercurrents of love tend to go unnoticed until they have pulled the dreamer under.

It takes courage to live for someone, at least as much as it does to die for them. Courage, dedication, and work (often hard) are all required for love to continue and flourish. Falling in love is easy, but then you need to build the foundation of the relationship in that hole you just walked into.

And talking can be scary. Those of you who know me also know that I'm fairly experienced at speaking in public. But talking to the one you love can be frightening, even for me, because you might worry that something you say will hurt them, or cause them to love you less, or be upset with you. There are those who will go to war and fight, facing death, yet cannot summon the courage to talk to the one they love. But it is the single most important tool in building a lasting relationship. And, if they love you deeply enough to live for you as well, then nothing you're likely to say will break the relationship.

You will hurt each other, sometimes. Physically or emotionally, it will happen, though hopefully never intentionally. Don't close up, don't stop talking when this happens. The best thing you can do is reach out to each other, with words and arms. Reassure the one you love that you do still love them, just as strongly as ever. You'll both be miserable until you do.

Everyone makes mistakes. No one is perfect. And yet, in love, faults are noticed only briefly before they become part of your partner's uniqueness. You accept what they are, who they are, as well as what they're not, and you love them all the more. The "imperfections" only serve to make them perfect. That is among the least of love's paradoxes.

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Your love is all I have, is all I need and is all I've ever wanted. Living with the thought that you'll be beside me, gives me the courage to keep on living.
~ Unknown ~

(Written April 10, 2007 - Revised December 2, 2011)